The Farstrider Scout

One can argue that much of we are able to do is fueled, at least in some portion, by our belief and faith in a thing.  Whether belief in a religion, particular action, or ability, the more of that belief you have, the more “real” it seems, despite the fact that it may not appear the same way to someone else.

There is one question that arises when the something that we profess to have belief in is a tangible thing, but that thing is accessible to most people, but not neccessarily all, such as color.  Is it real?  It certainly may be to you and me, and so, it must be…  But how do you describe that color blue to a blind man?  Or using the same analogy, even worse, how does one deal with someone who was not born blind, but by some unfortunate circumstance, has become so?  They know what “blue” is, but they cannot percieve it any longer.  Then, continuing on this vein, suppose that person is able to undergo an operation to restore, or in the first case, give them, their sight?  How will they handle this new sensory input?  Will it be the same as everyone else, or will their sky be purple (a little extreme, I know). 

Now apply this same question to something that is not normally tangible, such as something in religion, i.e. the power of God, or simply faith..  Not everyone perceives this, and those that do each feel it in a different way, but people do perceive it, so it must be real, right?  Now, imagine someone who has never had, or has lost that faith.  There is no medical operation that will give them that, so how do they get it? 

And for the person who has had that faith, and lost it, one can imagine that the loss of feeling can be as frustrating as someone losing their sight!  They know it is there, they know it is real, but they can’t touch it anymore.   Very possibly, over the passage of time, that sense of “real” fades, until someone else comes along and says “Look at this!  It is real!”, and they remember, that yes, it was…  But yet they still cannot touch it, and are conflicted.  How do they deal with this?  Will they ever be able to “receive their sight” again?  For the latter question, there are many that would say that the answer is a definitive “yes”.

Lastly, even rarer, imagine that the faith they lost can have an effects on the world around them.  The person must now not only deal with the conundrum of how to regain their “sight”, but also the moral/ethical/ecological complications involved with invoking that “sight” again…

For I am lost and cannot see,
I have not got my specs with me…

So, have I mentioned that I want to get stationed here?  Yeah, so anyway, Sunday was AWESOME, despite some of the setbacks.  I took over 80 photos, though a few I had to delete due to poor focus/exposure.  Far too many to upload here, but they are available on my Picasa page here.  There are a couple photos that I plan on putting together to form panoramas, including a 360 degree panorama that I shot.  I also put together a Google Maps layout of the different routes that I travelled, available here.  I suggest switching to ”Terrain” or “Satellite” view for a better idea of what things look like.  I’ll try to reference both as I go along.  I did take some video footage as well, using my cell phone, but that’ll have to wait until I can get home so that I can edit and save it in a better format.

On Friday afternoon, I drove out part of the way that I had initally planned on taking: a route through Farmington Creek Canyon, situated between Francis Peak and Bountiful Peak; one which would have had me following Skyline Drive (blue path on the map) all the way up to Francis Peak Road (green path on the map).  I got as far as the Sunset campground before deciding that it was getting a little late for driving on those roads and heading back.  Skyline Drive is a dirt road, most of the time only one lane wide, that hugs the mountain side, and it’s a long drop off if you go over the edge, at least until you get up closer to te top of the ridge.  Even then, it’s probably a good 10-15 foot drop, and I know from experience that your car probably won’t survive that drop.

I ended up spending about four and a half hours out in the Farmington Creek Canyon, stopping again at the Sunset campground to hike around and take pictures.  There was one path that passed above the campground to a rocky outcropping overlooking the creek (yellow path on the map).  I spent about twenty minutes there, taking photos and one video clip, and trying to hunt down the small lizards that I heard rustling around in the underbrush.  I only saw one though, and it scooted before I could get the camera up.

After that, I headed back down and into the campground, where I discovered the trail head for the Farmington Creek trail (red path on the map.  I threw caution to the wind and headed down.  It didn’t take all that long to reach the creek itself, and I passed several people with their dogs on the way down.  The trail split at the bottom, one path heading upstream, one heading downstream, so I took the upstream route, which ended up not going very far.  I found a spot that I could get right down by the creek at, and spent a few minutes playing around with shutter speeds and aperature settings, plus another video.  The water was ice cold from the snow runoff and was so loud that it sounded like a train.  After coming to a dead end, I headed back up, spotting one spider on the way.  Also of note:  “This hill is kicking my ass!”

After getting back to the car, I took a brief break to eat lunch, then continued on up the road.  I was pretty dissapointed when I got to the “intersection” as it was, only to find that all the roads going farther up into the mountains were closed.  I imagine that later in the year the roads are open, but I won’t be here then, plus I was there for the SNOW!  In retrospect, it was kind of a “Mount Hyjal” moment (had a picture for that, but it’s missing – I’ll find it later).  Still, there was quite a bit of snow at the turnaround point, so I spent a few minutes stomping around and taking photos.  There were a few spots where it was piled up six feet deep, but I managed to stay on top for the most part, though I did fall down once and got snow down the back of my pants.  Cold!

Finally, I headed back down, but it was still pretty early, so I didn’t want to leave quite yet.  There was a split close to the base that followed the western face of Bountiful Peak (orange path), so I followed that for a short way before finding a place to park and walk around.  I found lots of interesting things – a concrete structure with several lizards in it that I managed to get pictures of; several types of flowers; several black and white birds that I’m having trouble identifiying. 

The prize of this little side trip, however, was discovering a humming bird flying around.  It was very elusive, but every few minutes would land to rest, and eventually let me get close enough to take a few photos of it.  It was very facinating to watch, as it kept dive bombing through the brush tops, presumably catching small insects.  It had a very distinct sound; a warbling, staccato whistle as it dove, then a chitter as it climbed for altitude.  I took a video clip with the phone, but it failed to capture the motions or the sound of the hummingbird, and it was moving so fast that neither I, nor auto-focus, could lock onto it with one lucky exception as it reached the top of its climb.

Decidedly satisfied by the results, and feeling better than I have in a long time, I headed home, sunburnt and exhausted.

I spent a very wonderful and entertaining morning out at the Blue Table Painting studio today.  The owner, Shawn Gately – awesome guy, by the way -  was very welcoming, and showed me around and explained quite a bit about his business.  Out of respect for them, I only took one photo – more of a “pics or it didn’t happen” statement.  If you want to take a look at their work, you can find tons of photos on their main website, most of them in the gallery.  Honestly though, the pictures don’t do the quality of their work justice…  Simply AWESOME.  I didn’t ask all the questions that I initially had, but simply contacting BTP about visiting was a big step for me, I think…  Pushing my bubble, so to speak.

After that and lunch, I headed out through the mountains to Wasatch Mountain State Park.  Unfortunately, about five minutes after I arrived, it started pouring, so after checking at the visitor center for trail maps that would cover the area closer to where we’re staying (there were none), I headed out to find a road that would theoretically take me up and over the mountains via a more scenic route.  Alas, it was closed, so back to the hotel I headed.

All in all, a very enjoyable day.  Tomorrow – more hiking, or at least more SCENIC driving – not that it was any less beautiful, but it’s hard to take photos when you’re driving at 65 mph on a highway – and LOTS more photos.

Spectacularly enough, I managed to rent a vehicle for the weekend as so that I wouldn’t be so tied down…  Figuring I had a couple hours before the sun set, I headed out to find a road that I had spotted on Google Maps that looked like it would take me up to the top of the mountains.

What I encountered was beyond words…  So I took photographs.

I am now even more entrenched in my desire to find some way to get stationed here.  I don’t know how I’m going to do that, and that feeling may not even last, but every day I spend here, I find myself wanting it more and more.  There’s a connection here that I feel like I haven’t had in a very long time.

Today was one of those days that I was extremely thankful for the benefits of my job.  It quit raining sometime last night, and the clouds started to clear up; by morning it was pretty cold out, and the wind was scything across the flightline.

Here’s a view of the mountain range that I can see from my hotel room, taken yesterday evening.

The snow had crept down quite a ways over the past couple days, with the wet weather we’ve had, but by this afternoon it was already shrinking back.

Every time I look up at them, I am overawed, and there is one constant thought that I always have when I look at these mountains – I could live here.

I’m not a big fan of watching movies, as Gina can probably attest to. There are only a few genres that actually enjoy watching, as Gina can attest to as well, and there are quite a few movies that have come out, or are coming out, that for once I’m actually interested in…

One of them is the new Sherlock Holmes movie, which I even purchased before the Angel Thunder TDY back in April. I have yet to watch it. I might get to it this TDY.

What’s worse is the movies that I’d like to watch in the theaters. There’s a different experience to be had when watching movies in the theater, as anyone who has seen ANY of the Star Wars or Star Trek movies in the theater can attest to (I’m using that phrase a lot, aren’t I?), and while I can “ruin” movies that are out on DVD for myself by just reading about it on Wikipedia or IMDB, it’s difficult to do that for movies that just released.
Unfortunately, I hate going to the theater by myself. It feels awkward. Biggest example – Iron Man 2 came out today, and while I’m TDY, I’m sure there’s a theater around here, and even if not, it’ll still be playing when I get back, not to mention that the Prince of Persia movie comes out the week after that.

I think I’m going to have to force myself to go out.

Whose head
Is often in the clouds,
Occasionally in the gutter,
Or even his pants,
Even sometimes in his heart,
But rarely where it belongs –
On his shoulders.

I hate how my mind thinks sometimes. I have an issue where I will have moments of pure clarity (these may be rare for some people, but not quite so for me, I think) regarding how I should be handling things… But that thought is almost always overridden by the thoughts of what I want to do. It’s very frustrating, not to mention BAD.

Now, how to get my shoulds to coincide with my wants……

“Let your arms enfold us,
through the dark of night.
Will your angels hold us,
Till we see the light.” – “Prayer” by Secret Garden

I had so much that I wanted to say here, and I was going to get it all down at work, but the sound of the TV drowned out my own thoughts and made that impossible. I’ll try my best, but I promise nothing.

I’m sure that even before I write this, you know my heart, and what I’m feeling, just as I know that what I have been taught is correct over what I think, but I want to get it out… Need to get it out. And this may be one of the hardest things I ever do.

I know I’ve talked to Gina about this, but it didn’t help, at least not entirely, now I’m going to the source, because I’m sure that if anyone understands, You do, because I highly doubt I am alone in my feelings.

Once again, I’ve hit rock bottom, or at least that’s how I feel, yet still I have not been able bring myself to ask for help, or guidance. Whether it’s You trying to get close to me, or me looking to You, I keep pushing away, no matter what. I feel as if perhaps, despite what I’ve been taught, that I do not deserve this, that I should be able to bear this burden, any burden on my own, without help, especially from You.

But now, after talking to Gina, and my father, and realizing that I’ve totally lost my way now, and because of this huge hole in my heart, I think things need to change. Hopefully this is the first step in the right direction. I don’t know, and only time will tell. I’m not even sure that I’m going about this the right way, but at the moment I feel like total shit, have no one to really talk to, unless I disturb someone’s rest, and when I can turn to You and know that You’ll just listen, without judging or anything, then this is the path I choose… Or is it the path that you have set before me? That’s the part I hate, never knowing if it’s predestined, or free will.

I need to start from the beginning though, because I don’t think I’ll feel right unless I do. I’ve never been one to thank You for all the good things in my life, because… I’ve never wanted to believe. Perhaps that is where my gift failed, because I ceased to believe. But You have given me so much, and I cannot thank you enough for all the joy the past five years of my life have been, despite all the pain and heartache that has accompanied with it. I know every road is not without it’s rough parts, and I’m willing to accept that.

But now I’ve hit a rough part that I know I can’t get through alone, because the part of my life that has helped me get through everything else these past few years is gone. It’s not her fault, and I forgive her for everything, because how could not forgive, how could I hate, someone I love so very much? I know she calls me a saint, but I also know that I’m anything but. So I’m asking for help, for the both of us, because I know that she needs it just as much as I, if not more. I ask for guidance, as we both need someone to show us the path we should take, whether it becomes the same path once more, or goes in two completly different directions. Lastly, I want to ask for help for everyone else, for them to understand, and be patient with us, especially Gina’s mother, for she seems to need it most of all.

I don’t expect anything out of this, because even though I am trying to take a step in the right direction, I still have difficulty accepting You, for how can you add to a cup that is already full with something else? From You, all I ask for, ultimately, is patience, and a listening, understanding ear.

Forrest.

After living with someone, plus two dogs, for five years, having an empty house is startlingly quiet.  You tend to jump at things that never would have bothered you in the past.  Take last night, for instance.

I had just gone to bed, and I hear a rattling from the back door. Now, the alarm system is armed, and had I thought things through, I probably would have taken the time to grab the shotgun and load it, and still be ready in time to blow a hole in whoever walked in the door before they set the alarm off… But no, I go down the hallway, buck naked, and grab the axe I had sitting by the garage door. By this point, the thought had crossed my mind that it might be one of the seemingly infinite number of cats we have plauging our neighborhood trying to get in, but by the time I picked up that axe, the thought was firmly in my mind that it was NOT just some cat, but someone trying to jimmy the door.

So, axe in hand, I flip on the back lights, and what do I see? A cat, running off to the fence. Boy do I feel like an idiot.

Still, it took me over half an hour to calm down… With a loaded shotgun under the bed.