There’s a new game that was just put out by Infinity Ward called Call of Duty: Modern Warfare d20. It’s really simple to play, all you need is this handy chart (see below), a 20 sided die and a 6 sided die. You roll the d20 and the result determines what happens in the game, with the d6 filling in several minor variables. Results are as follows:
On a roll of :
1: Your lobby fills up and the game begins to load. It stops on “Waiting for Server…”, and 15 seconds later, times out. Reroll 1d20 and start again.
2: Your lobby fills up and the match starts to count down from 40 seconds. After 40 seconds, it begins to choose a host, which takes 8 seconds. A host is chosen, who then leaves. Reroll 1d20 and start again.
3: The game lobby inexplicably closes. Reroll 1d20 and start again.
4: IWNet is down, and you are unable to play any online matches. Roll 1d6 to determine how many hours it will be before you can play. As there is no advance warning or any sort of notification for this event, after the rolled number of hours has passed, roll 1d6 again. After that final rolled number of hours has passed, reroll 1d20 and start again.
5: You are able to get into a game, but the chosen host’s connection is poor. Roll 1d6 to deterimine how many minutes of horrible lag you must endure, after which, reroll 1d6. On a result of 1-3, the migration fails and you are kicked back to the lobby – Reroll 1d20 and start again. On a result of 4-5, the migration succeeds, but the new host is no better – Reroll 1d6 to determine if you are the new host; 1-5, no, reroll 1d6 and start from the beginning of d20 result #5; 6, yes, go to d20 result #6. On a result of 6, you’re able to play the match to completion without any further problems.
6: You are the host, and your connection is poor. Roll 1d6 and halve the result to determine how long other players must suffer through the horrible lag before the game chooses a new host, after which reroll 1d6. On a result of 1-3, the migration fails and you are kicked back to the lobby – Reroll 1d20 and start again. On a result of 4-5, the migration succeeds, but the new host is no better – start from the beginning of d20 result #5. On a result of 6, you’re able to play the match to completion without any further problems.
7: You are in a lobby with lower than the number of people needed to start the match countdown. Roll 1d6 to determine how long you must wait for the required number of people, then reroll 1d20 and start again.
8: The game lobby inexplicably closes. Reroll 1d20 and start again.
9: You are able to get into a match, but one of the players is a hacker with the nuke killstreak reward. Roll 1d6 and halve the result to determine how long it is before he sets it off. Reroll 1d20 and start again.
10: The Steam Cloud is down, and you are unable to play any online matches. Roll 1d6 to determine how many hours it will be before you can play. Halve the result if you were smart enough to check the forum for maintenance warnings beforehand. After the rolled number of hours has passed, reroll 1d20 and start again.
11: You are able to get into a match, but there is a hacker on the opposing team. Roll 1d20 to determine how many times you are killed by him before the match ends, then reroll 1d20 and start again.
12: Unable to migrate host. Reroll 1d20 and start again.
13: Your lobby is merged with another. Reroll 1d20 and start again.
14: Your lobby fills up, and the match starts to count down from 40 seconds. At 1d6 seconds, almost all the players dissapear. Reroll 1d20 and start again.
15: You are able to get into a match, but one of the players has the nuke killstreak reward. Roll 1d6 to determine the player’s temprament: 1 – The player is an enemy and uses it because their team is losing; 2 – The player is friendly and uses it because your team is loosing; 3 – The player is an enemy but no matter what, they never use it, or wait until the very end of the match to do so; 4 – The player is an enemy but uses it despite the fact that their team is winning; 5 – The player is friendly but uses it despite the fact that your team is winning; 6 – The player is friendly and no matter what, they never use it, or wait until the very end of the match to do so. For all results except 3 and 6, roll 1d6 to determine how many minutes it will be before the nuke is set off. Reroll 1d20 and start again.
16: The game lobby inexplicably closes. Reroll 1d20 and start again.
17: Your lobby fills up, and then inexplicably tries to merge your full lobby with another. Roll 1d6 to determine how long it does this until the game lobby closes. Reroll 1d20 and start again.
18: Unable to connect to host. Reroll 1d20 and start again.
19: You join a game already in progress. Roll 1d6 and halve the result to determine how many minutes are left in the match. You are able to play for that long after which reroll 1d20 and start again.
20: You are able to play a full match to the end with no problems whatsoever. Once the match is over, reroll 1d20 and start again for the next match.
I hope you all have fun playing this wonderful and entertaining addition to the Call of Duty series!
by Arvelen, on March 4 2010 @ 2:01 am
For any that don’t get this (hopefully few), this is a humorous attempt to point out the horrible system that IWNet is. I considered doing a flash showing the endless stream of disconnects, failed migrations, countdowns, and just general time wasted JUST TO GET INTO THE GAME AND PLAY, but ultimately this was a lot more within my realm of expertise.